Congratulations...

Its been three months and counting. I dont know how well Im doing. But you dont care and Im glad. Its over, thought it would last forever. I was taught my lesson and how. Well... Im doing okay, not great, but I know I'll manage. You promised, and it was a lie. Yes, a lie. No, it isnt anything else. There arent any excuses. Im done justifying for you, for myself. Reasons dont make sense anymore. It happened and its over now. Isnt this what I need to understand? Well I believe I do. I am not alone. Never was. I just believed in something that wasnt there. I usually do that. Im too nice, Isnt that what you always said? Funny. I am stupid.
I miss you and always will. No, it doesnt help. I believe I will get done with this. I will move on, wont I? Everyone does. I pray. I hope. Dont regret it. You'll suffer. I did too. I wish I could ask...what happened? But it isnt important. Not right now atleast. I wonder what it could've been, should've been. I know it wasnt meant to be. Im happier knowing that. Im happier without you, there isnt any fear now.
You are gone and its different. I like the change. Well congratulations to you for what today.
Happy Anniversary...:)

falling safely to the ground...

yet it hurts...I cant let go of this feeling. It's killing me. Its so empty, yet it makes you want to puke. Nothing seems right. Everything is annoying. Nothing matters, it doesnt even make sense. It makes you do stupid things. You seek attention. You seek help. You beg for help. I do. Nothing. Too proud to accept the pain, too weak to deal with it. I wait for it to pass. It will, wont it? Everything does pass. It might get boring after a while. I wish I'd be more interested. I want to react. It does matter. Ofcourse it does.
It didnt happen, the way he wanted it, when and how he wanted it. So it was a compromise. Compromises are wrong. Ofcourse letting go isnt. Thats easy. No, Im not angry, hurt...not anymore. I just dont feel anymore. I cant judge. I dont think its worthless waiting. Because Im not waiting. I dont know what to wait for. I'll smile, I'll be happy, I'll even cry if that helps. But let this be the only one. The last. I dont have the strength to deal with anymore. I cannot lose anymore.
Searching for you, hoping I dont see you, praying that I do. Felt so stupid. But its over. I did everything I'd decided I wouldnt do. I left alot behind, got some of you back, with me. I'd like to go back in time and fix things. I'd like to change. I'd like you back. Even if as a compromise...

Im done...

Im done. I cant deal with loss anymore. Its difficult to understand. There is too much at stake. Im at fault. I wont deny or even try to justify. I have no reasons. I have nothing. Im scared. Terrified. It cant be over. Not this. Please? Im not strong. I cannot deal with it. Im tired of facing my fears, tired of pretending to overcome them. Im tired of the sinking feeling. Its suffocating. Let this pass soon. Let it be over. Let us just be. The way it was. I am sorry. To everyone and anyone I've hurt in the slightest way possible. I have too many things I dont deserve. Thank you. But dont take this away.

Its been quite sometime... hasnt it? But i guess its important now, to see if I can still fill this up. Im waiting to move forward. Trying to believe that it was for the best. Everything. That im immoral and quite a bitch. Funny. I can laugh and cry and still not feel a thing. Its changing. Again. And im ready. I so am. Just dont expect me to be okay with it. Its too much of an illusion anyway. Tears flow... and I look at my dialled list. I redial the first number, comfort. I hang up. Helplessness. I stop myself from calling again. The sky. An escape. I turn away...