My plea

Lala Lala....Blah! Everything can be so pissing off! And it can be so alluring. Blah! Useless. I am living a useless life, and maybe enjoying it. Wait, am suppose to detest my useless life. Maybe i do. Self pity can kill you. I think so much about death. I wonder when i am going to die. I think i've been prepared for death, for quite sometime now. I really wish it comes soon, else i back out, like i usually do. I wonder what'll be like. Over rated, death i mean. Why cant i just be happy? Problem with everything; coffee too cold, weather too hot, am too fat, i wish he'd change, no money, blah! I wish i could stop complaining. I wish i could just be. Just be. Still. Feel like erasing this entire post, right this minute. I wont. I am trying to get over my wishes and fancies, you see. I am trying to be what i ought to be. What i am, is just too much to take. I need to receive appreciation, it keeps me going, i need to kill myself, metaphorically ofcourse, am too much of a coward to do it otherwise. Notice how i label myself, Ha! A sense of belonging. Too many demands. Thats what i do, i demand and command, and then sit and cry, waiting for comfort. The comfort not having come, go back to my dark ugly cocoon. Brilliant, i have life all planned. Oh! Well good luck to me then!