dedicated to... me

I feel ugly. I feel the ugliness crawling up my legs, spreading slowly, gradually, engulfing me, suffocating me. Hate myself, i hate the incessant desire to keep everyone around me happy. A temporary feeling of bliss, that doesnt even depend on me, my actions, my thoughts, nothing! Its all them. Its all me. Blame Game. Who gets blamed. I. Who blames me? I do. Utterly stupid. Pangs of guilt. Guilt that could kill me. I drown in the pool of guilt and self pity. Its funny. She is a part of me. The part of me, that i love, with all that i have and more. It isnt fair. I dont see a reason to let go. She makes me happy. She makes me believe in myself. She makes me, me. I wont let go. I refuse to. I am not wrong. She is a friend. My friend. My companion. My wall. She is my strength and my weakness. Lets just be us. Lets just do what we truely want to. The right thing. For once, let go of everything that affects you. Make yourself happy. I didnt know true happiness untill sometime back, she is one of the people who makes it worth it. The feeling of bliss will not be forced to fade, it shall stay, for as long as it wants. I need to decide. I need to be, Me. The one i love, the one am proud of. The me, thats hidden, crawled up, running from the ugliness. I am tired of hiding. I crave to be let out. Imprisoned my self. Its time to set the imprisoned beautiful self free. I should kill myself in an instant, rather than dying everyday, every minute, every second. Withering away in a corner, in a dark, lonely corner. I let go...