Dark. Dingy. Inviting. These streets dont push me away. They dont close in on me. They dont frighten me. There wont be any hand, waiting. I am not scared. I remind myself, to wait. Not give up. I wont. Sleepless nights. Immense pain. Spacing out. The urgency to distract myself. Stomach in knots, trembling hands, constant fiddling. One funny thing, and its me again. All me. Uncontrollable laughter. I am not going to lose myself, i cant. Have to find myself first. The pretence sheds itself. The emotions are real. No inhibitions. No fear of judgements. This is the most honest i can be. I am trying to recognise myself. Everyone goes through this, i pressume. I like my circumstance though. Reality is my friend now, we dine together. Its fun. We've struck a deal. The day i give up, i know what to do. Freedom was a distant dream, im living it now, only that it still feels like a dream.