So its over...

Im back. I dont know why or how. But this is how its going to be now. Im back 'home'.
I havent given up, im just not fighting anymore. You think of writing something, you wonder how its going to sound, you wonder a little more about what you previously wondered. And then its over.
Someone said its better to know when its going to end rather than a sudden end, one leaves numerous wishes and aspirations behind. I disagree. But it doesnt matter anymore. I dont have either. I let them go before I stepped in.

I'd end it myself if i could. I dont want to. Lets see how long it lasts. Not long, I hope.
I wish it was unreal. I wish I could wake up. It didnt have to be this way, did it? I didnt know it'd be this bad. I didnt know I'd create such a mess. I am sorry if it makes any difference. This wasnt my intention.
An honest attempt. It was beautiful. It isnt anymore. I could desire to go back. But that'll be against the rules. I like rules, I know its a game, then.
Seven days and its over now. What if neither of it had happened. I can turn back time. I can, cant I? If I tried hard enough. I could.
Its dark, I cant see. There is too much light, its blinding. One more step and I'll fall. One more word, and you might understand. But are you listening? It doesnt matter, I constantly remind myself; it doesnt matter.
I wish it was a lie, I wish I was living a lie. Maybe I am. Maybe I dont exist. Its going to start again, isnt it?
There is no end. I am a fool. I wait and I wait. Its a conspiracy, Its never going to end. Its over though, for now.

But wait... wasnt I...shouldnt I...its too soon. I dont want to. I should. It'll be the right thing, wouldnt it?
Maybe somemore time? I wont fall. I wont cry. I wont ask for help.
I wont go, not yet. I want my goodbye.