So, its over. Feels nice. The last few days have been miserable. I wish i could go back and change everything. Its been horrid. But im fine. Guess everything's okay. A new fear has engulfed my illusion though, the fear of loss. Every sentence said is the possibility of a misconception, a misunderstanding. There is just too much at stake. When desires are fulfilled, its nice. There's something missing again. There is always something missing. Or i demand too much. I've prayed for everything to just end. Simply. Tears come easily, a bit too easily. Annoying. Im not happy. And im not going to pretend to be. But sometimes i can be, dont please dont condition it then. i was happy, really happy. Dumbfounded maybe, but very happy. The above post doesnt make sense, but then alot of things dont. Its my first post of the year. My notebook hasnt been copied yet. Is there a need, maybe not. I shouldnt decide everything, all the time. Thank you to everyone who makes this worthwhile, i hope you know who you are. Whether its the backseat of a car, or baked cakes, or bhola prasad, or a game of cards, it was all beautiful. It was a reminder of what things were and should be. Tears dont mean anything, im not sure if laughter does either. I wish i understood something about moments, but im glad i dont. I would condition that as well. Im not horrible, i dont have random mood swings, especially on my birthday, one can speak to me when im pissed, i wont snap. This isnt a justification, its just a thought. How mean can i be? Slightly random, incomprehensibel, but this said everything i wanted to.