Its funny being written about. Someone somewhere is doubting your essence. Its a funny situation to judge. Its absurd to be judged. Anger. Remorse. I created it. Its my duty to destroy it. I dont know why I revealed what I shouldnt have. Desperation? Frustration? There is only regret now.
I didnt ask you for help. I didnt ask for fulfillment of your duty. I didnt want to be the subsitute for your boredom. I was a random person. And I guess I'll always be. I'd like to believe there was another reason. I dont want to find out. Im glad its over. Good, you have your distractions. Move on. It really doesnt matter anyway. Im going to believe it never did.
Found hope in strangers. Stared at the phone till my eyes hurt. Kept you away from the ugly bit. I regret it. All of it. Maybe I should have done the obvious.
Im sorry I have no reasons. No explanations. No justifications. No evidence.
I assumed neither was required. But then Im dumb, excuse me. I pray for all the above. I dont need to. Since it'll happen anyway.
I want to apologise, but guess I've already done that. I want to thank you, but that wont make a difference. I want to change things, that wont happen. I want to erase the last seven days and I want to relive them. I want you to leave. But I know I'll miss you.
I dont want you to move on. I dont want you to just let it be. I dont care if you tried hard enough. I did too. And none of this is my fault. I dont deserve this. And it isnt fair. And no I dont want anymore bullshit about life not being fair anyway.
It isnt a very nice feeling. This. I feel stupid. Foolish. Another month or so and you'll forget about it. Its too much to deal with, isnt it? Its so much better to stay away. Good decision. No one lost anything. I did. Even if it was mine for a moment. True or False. You ask. If I give you an answer, would it change anything?
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